For Girls

Dump the Drama: How to Survive Girl Politics in a Mean Girl World

by Beth Bryant

We all need somebody to lean on…..at least—that’s what the song says. And for the most part, it’s true. We need friendships with other girls to help us navigate the stormy and sometimes epically disastrous waters of middle and high school. But making friends and maintaining those friendships can be hard! Dealing with people who mistreat you or act like you don’t even exist is harder. What’s a God’s Girl do??

First of all, be kind to everyone (even people you might not like!)

Do you ever feel belittled, gossiped about, unaccepted, isolated, or maybe even targeted by other girls? You are not alone. Studies show that teen girls are twice as likely as guys to suffer from anxiety and depression, and drama and girl politics can certainly have a heavy hand in that. In Luke 6:27, Jesus commands us to “Love your enemies, and do good to those who hate you.” Simply loving people who are mean to you might not make that mean person act better, but you will be in the right.

Even Paul seemed to understand how crazy girl world can be. In Galatians, he wrote, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.” Sometimes it seems like girls are all biting and devouring one another! It’s not easy to love our enemies and to do good to those who hate us or even victimize us—but it’s an important part of being God’s girl—doing the complete opposite of what we might feel like doing.

Loving your neighbors and enemies means praying for those who mistreat you. Why? Because God commands us to, and He has our best interest at heart. When His girls have different reactions than other girls would, people start to pay attention. And when you reflect Jesus, they see Him in you.

You don’t only have to spend time with people who are exactly like you.

When it comes to building friendships, it’s important to understand that the best ones take plenty of time to develop. We tend to gravitate toward people who are like us, whether we like the same hobbies, share personality traits and preferences, or have similar life situations. That’s not a bad place to start!

But you should also be willing to get to know and accept people who are different from you. If you only spend time with friends who are exactly like you, you could inadvertently end up in a clique or exclude girls who could turn out to be wonderful friends! Spending time with lots of different people is a great way to help others feel included and a good way to learn more about the world around you!

Be on guard against your own “mean girl” tendencies. Deep down inside, do you sometimes feel so insecure that putting someone else down seems like it will make you feel better? Sometimes we trivialize other girls’ successes because they make us feel like a failure. Or we are tempted to use deception or other manipulative tactics to try to get what we want. When your inner Regina George starts to come out, take note! Make a point to choose Christ-like attitudes and behaviors instead. Just because everyone else is sucked into the drama, gossip, jealousy, and cliques, doesn’t mean you have to be.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

Lastly, God’s girls also need to know that no person deserves to carry the weight of making you feel valuable or worthy. Sure, it would be nice if the cool girls at school would notice you. Sure, it would be great if your BFF was always completely and totally reliable. But people are just people—messed up and sometimes hurtful even when they have good intentions. It’s who we are. Only having a right relationship with God—one where we know we are His: redeemed, loved, with a future full of His GOOD plans—can provide us with everything we really need. Only God will ever truly “get” us. He designed us this way so we would seek Him first and know Him better.

Some Practical Tips for Surviving Girl Politics

  1. Avoid settling into a clique. Switch up your friend groups and sit with different people at lunch when you can (maybe even that girl who sits by herself a lot??).
  2. Build up other girls. God knows we all need the support, so be the one to write encouraging notes, share compliments freely, and look for ways to make other girls feel special.
  3. Change the subject. If someone’s not around and they’re being spoken about negatively, pick a new topic, walk away, or remind others that they can talk to that person directly if there is an issue.
  4. Apologize to other girls you might have treated badly. It’s always God’s will for you to make things right. Not clearing things up can also affect your relationship with Him. (Matthew 5:23-24)
  5. If someone you know is a target of bullying, take action by telling an adult you trust. It may seem like the opposite of what you want to do, but things can escalate out of hand quickly. A trusted adult can help you come up with a management plan or notify those who can step into the situation.
  6. Keep your focus outside your circle. Pray for missionaries, volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry, serve at your church, or find other ways to reach out to others in compassion.
  7. Use social media responsibly. Don’t type anything on a screen you wouldn’t say to the person you’re typing it about.
  8. Get help if you need it. Be on alert for signs of anxiety or depression in yourself that might be caused by friend/frenemy drama such as…. suicidal thoughts, not being able to sleep, sleeping too much, isolating yourself from friends or family, struggling to control emotions, lack of appetite, over-eating, etc…… These are serious concerns and a licensed counselor might be needed to help you process what you’re going through. Be honest with the adults in your life about what you’re dealing with.
For Girls

Stressed Out: A God’s Girl’s Guide to Streamlining Stress

By Beth Bryant

Let’s be clear about one thing: stress is a part of life.

It affects every human, and teen girls are certainly no exception. With so many different activities, commitments, and social pressures, girls are susceptible to plenty of stressors—especially when you add in hormones, technology, and relationships! It’s important for God’s Girls to learn how to manage everyday stress in order to be healthy and focused—and better serve the Kingdom of God.

Unmanaged, chronic stress can lead to depression or anxiety. Stress can come from many directions, and it can be helpful to figure out where the greatest amount of stress is coming from so that you can better deal with it. For teen girls, stress can come from a demanding schedule, physical health and hormones, relationships with family, friends, and boys, or even from a sudden transition, like starting a new school or moving to a new place.

Once the source of stress is identified, you can take practical steps to get it under control:

Managing Your Schedule

  • Prioritize your activities. Even if an activity is good, it might not be a wise idea to add it to an already overflowing schedule. Prayerfully and critically consider what can be cut from your schedule to give you more free time.
  • Make time to relax. Spend a small amount of time each day, even just 20 minutes, on something you enjoy. Do you like to read? Ride a bike? Color, draw, or crochet? Low-key activities you can put down and pick back up easily are great for getting some “you” time.
  • Sync a family calendar. If you can see everyone else’s commitments in the same place, it will help you be more prepared for things like meals and rides, and cut down on stress.

Staying on Top of School

  • Keep a planner that contains due dates and reminders to keep track of tests and projects. (And actually USE IT!)
  • Plan your day. Make sure you schedule time to study—if you can, the same time each day.
  • Ask for help. If you’re struggling with algebra or writing a paper, ask a teacher who can help you or give you pointers.
  • Don’t wait until the last minute.

A Healthy You

  • Track your periods. You might not be completely regular, but that’s okay. If you can figure out when they’re coming, you can prepare emotionally and otherwise.
  • Get the right amount of sleep. Both too much and too little sleep can be damaging physically and emotionally. Studies show 9-10 hours is about the right amount for middle and high school age girls.
  • Get some sunshine! Take a walk, sit by a window.
  • Eat for nutrition. Toss the junk food (most of the time!) and opt for nutrient-packed foods such as fruits, vegetables, nuts, and whole grain.

Real Relationships

  • Communicate with your parents/guardians. It may seem annoying, but lack of communication causes stress and plenty of arguments. Let them know what’s going on at school and how you’re feeling emotionally. Make sure you’re clear on what’s expected of you and do your best to honor them.
  • Steer clear of “friends” who make you feel bad about yourself or pressure you into acting different from who you really are.
  • Limit time with any one particular friend. It’s great to have a BFF, but even besties need space. Try to spend time with different people.
  • Limit time on Instagram, Facebook, and other virtual social networks. Remember, people only share their highlights. Everything on social media isn’t real life!
  • Focus on friendships with guys instead of intense romantic relationships—at least in this stage of your life. This will keep the stress level down and allow you room to figure out who you are and what you want in a guy when the time is right.

Big Changes

  • Find a project to focus on. In the middle of big change like moving, starting a new school, family changes, or another life event, keeping up with a reading list or a creative project can help you stay centered.
  • Talk to a trusted adult who can help you sort through your stress or hurt.

So, what now? Even after taking these practical steps, we aren’t guaranteed that everything will be easy. Life is still tough! Sin in the world messes up God’s perfect plan, so we have to deal with stuff like stress. But God loves us and promises in Hebrews 13:5 that He will NEVER leave us alone. Jesus understands what you’re dealing with, and in Hebrews 4:16, He tells us how to respond to our stress:

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

God tells us to ask for His help when we need it! The result?

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7)

When we take practical steps to manage our stress and rely on our relationship with God to give us the strength we need to respond to it properly, we can face stress with peace and confidence.

For a printable version of this list, check out the Resources page.