By: Ruth McDonald

“Oh, baby, don’t you ever grow up” is the sentiment of most moms when their daughters reach dating age. Few things are scarier than the dating season. I heard author Jill Briscoe say that as she reached that milestone, all the boys around her daughter suddenly looked like hungry crocodiles to her. She just wanted them to stay away!

As parents, we have different opinions on the specifics of dating. I hope your family has prayerfully and thoughtfully set some guidelines and boundaries for your teenagers in regards to this important and potentially tricky subject. Don’t feel like your family’s standards have to exactly mirror the other families’ in your kids’ school, church, or friend group.

As the mother of 3 daughters and 1 son, I have found that it is vital to clearly communicate your expectations. You have every right to know who, when, where, and what time. Make sure your teenager understands your family’s rules and then insist that those rules be honored. One of our rules was that anytime our teens had left one location and gone to another, we were to be informed. Since we lived in Japan, we were able to blame that on our need to know where they were in the case of an earthquake… but maybe you can find another way to sell that rule to your kids. Make sure your rules are reasonable, well thought out, and well communicated.

Sometimes kids choose boyfriends or girlfriends that we are less than enthusiastic about. As moms, we too often tend to overreact. Experience has taught me to chill out, show the love of Jesus in every way possible… and pray them out the door. I’ve actually received Facebook messages from a couple of my kids’ “formers” thanking us for loving on them and modeling a Christian family.

I’ve also learned (the hard way) not to get too invested. At least for my kids, there were a lot of false starts and near misses. While we see personality traits and can’t help but have opinions, it is ultimately up to the people actually dating to determine whether to continue a relationship or not. As our sons and daughters mature and reach young adulthood, we need to trust the character we have instilled in them and let them make major life decisions.

The most important thing we can do is to pray over our children during their dating years. Ask God to protect, guide, and provide in His perfect way and time. It is also wise to enlist some trusted friends to join you in prayer. In the story of baby Moses, Miriam watched over him when his mother couldn’t. Sometimes as parents we have blind spots that our friends are better able to see and pray about. Ask a close friend to watch over your “baby” in prayer as s/he floats in the river surrounded by crocodiles.

Sometimes our teens will make mistakes. A good prayer is that “all of their mistakes be small ones” and I have consistently prayed that one over my kids. But even if their mistakes aren’t small, we need to determine to love our sons and daughters unconditionally, just as the Father loves us. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

About the Author: Ruth McDonald has been serving as the Director of FWB Women’s Ministries since November of 2022. She comes to this position after 38 years of ministry with her husband Donnie as a missionary with IM, Inc. (Free Will Baptist International Mission) in the country of Japan. Ruth’s passion is for encouraging women in their faith through writing, speaking, and counseling. She is excited about coming alongside Free Will Baptist women as they find and fulfill their role in the Great Commission. Donnie and Ruth have 4 young adult children and 4 grandchildren. Her family describes her as “crazy, fun-loving, talkative and passionate.”