By Ruth McDonald

Wouldn’t it be nice if newborn babies came with instructions? Like… I don’t know…

“This child is an introvert, so don’t expect them to get up and perform for a whole church of strangers or serve as a greeter for your church plant.”

Or… “this child will be a mess while going through puberty, but don’t worry because these irrational feelings will pass. It’s normal.”

And… “this child, on the other hand, is not going to get over it. These feelings are indicators that there is a more serious problem, so therapy is advised.”

Unfortunately, parenting is the ultimate example of “on the job training.” And, if God blesses you with multiple offspring, each new one brings a completely different job assignment and set of challenges. And no instructions. It’s trial and error. Or, as I once heard about parenting: “You take the hand you’re dealt and you do the best you can with it.”

Here are a few things I’ve learned the hard way:

1. Don’t over-react. Just because your son refuses to go to class, digs in his heels and remains outside of the classroom does NOT mean that he will become a high school dropout and hater of authority. It might just mean that he is an introvert who doesn’t walk into new situations without hesitation. He might just need to observe for a few minutes to convince himself that it’s safe to engage.
2. Don’t under-react. I know, that’s not really a word. The very fact that I wrote opposing advice here underlines the difficulty of parenting. Sometimes you feel like you really can’t win. Am I over-reacting? Am I not taking her seriously enough? Don’t say to your daughter “this is just PMS talking… you will feel better in a day or two!” While it may be true, it also may not. Her anxieties and feelings are real to her and for you to blame them on hormones makes her feel you are not taking her real emotions seriously.
3. Heed warning signs and get help. This is a hard one… most children occasionally make overly dramatic statements such as “I wish I could die!” or “I hate you!” In an emotionally charged moment, lots of things are said that are not serious. Children and teens have big feelings. Every episode does not dictate calling in a professional counselor. Sometimes a hug, something comforting to drink or eat, a change of setting or some “space” is all that is needed. However, if these reactions become a pattern, you may need to get your child some help. In some cases, therapists are needed to help them manage the mood swings and angst of the teen years (and beyond).
4. Mom guilt is real… and not. Even the best parents I know feel guilty at times. Hard as we try, we all mess up. Thankfully, most of our mistakes are small and can be laughed about in years to come. (We didn’t mean to zip up our baby’s chubby little neck in her footie pajamas!) The fact that we feel guilty over every mistake is evidence that we are good parents who want what’s best for our children. “Bad” parents don’t care.
5. Pray… a lot! A good support group, a loving church community, and godly professionals are tremendous aids to successful parenting. But the most essential thing is to ask God for wisdom. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5) As babies become children, teens, and young adults their problems become more complicated. We need God’s wisdom to know how to best love and guide them.

It sounds like a platitude, but please remember that God really does love your children and desire what is best for them. He truly loves them more than you do, hard as that is to imagine. The love of a parent for a child is probably the closest thing we experience to unconditional love… but it misses the mark by far. God’s love is perfect. While we fret and worry about how to guide our kids through difficult times and emotions, God knows exactly what to do. Trust Him. He doesn’t need your suggestions and solutions. He just wants you to pray, trust, and hang in there. He’s got this!

About the Author: Ruth McDonald has been serving as the Director of FWB Women’s Ministries since November of 2022. She comes to this position after 38 years of ministry with her husband Donnie as a missionary with IM, Inc. (Free Will Baptist International Mission) in the country of Japan. Ruth’s passion is for encouraging women in their faith through writing, speaking, and counseling. She is excited about coming alongside Free Will Baptist women as they find and fulfill their role in the Great Commission. Donnie and Ruth have 4 young adult children and 4 grandchildren. Her family describes her as “crazy, fun-loving, talkative and passionate.”