by Jen Thomsen
Do you have a daughter who struggles with her self-image? Are you at a loss on how to help her? You may have told her she is beautiful until you are blue in the face, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. This generation is no different than yours and mine. The teen years are still difficult.
It’s not a new phenomenon for girls to compare themselves to thin and beautiful models and actresses, or to measure themselves against peers who they believe are prettier or more athletic.
With competing voices from media and peers, how do we as parents and youth workers help our girls understand that their worth does not spring from how they view themselves or how others view them? How do we help them recognize and tune out the subtle thoughts that the devil plants in their minds?
The simple truth is that God made everyone. Every person is beautifully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-16 is straightforward: For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. (ESV)
God made each person exactly who they are. Before anyone saw or even knew about us, God put thought into who we would become. No one is made by accident—this is an amazing truth. We are created exactly the way that God wants us.
Your teen might not jump for joy when you share these verses with them. If your child is longing to be a bit taller or shorter, to have straighter or curlier hair, to have clearer skin or a different nose, reading that they are made that way on purpose might not sound ideal. Social media and TV are so full of seemingly perfect people that it can be easy to wish for something unattainable.
How do we help our girls see themselves as beautifully and wonderfully made? It’s our job to continually remind them they are beautifully and wonderfully made.
This is not a conversation that only needs to happen once. You will need to reiterate this over and over and over again. Teens aren’t always the kindest to each other and Satan’s lies can easily become ingrained, so we must continually remind them they don’t have to compare themselves to other people. They don’t have to look like everyone else at their school.
They need to be reminded that when they look at their reflection in the mirror that they are beautifully and wonderfully made. You can leave post-it notes on a mirror or other visible place that will remind them of this fact. In my house we have a wall decal proclaiming that we are beautifully and wonderfully made. Simple reminders in everyday life can help reinforce this truth.
Because we are beautifully and wonderfully made, we also must take care of our human bodies. 1 Corinthians 3: 16-17 says, “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” As we remind our girls that God created them beautifully, we must also teach them to honor the body God created by eating well, exercising, and going to the doctor regularly.
It’s worth noting that for some girls, a simple decoration or reminder that they are beautiful will not be enough. Some girls who struggle with self-image may need additional support or professional help. If you suspect depression, anxiety, or another form of emotional or mental illness, please seek medical advice. There is no shame in seeking medical help.
Finally, we must remember to practice what we preach. As we teach girls they do not need to compare themselves to others, remind them they are beautiful, and teach them to honor their bodies, ask yourself if you are doing the same. Are you comparing yourself to the women you see in magazines or on TV, or even your peers? Do you celebrate the way God created you, or does your daughter hear you complain about the way you look? Our children are watching and listening, even when we don’t think we are teaching. Let us teach them in actions and in words that they are wonderfully and fearfully made.